Are you TOUGH or Tender?
7 qualities of the mentally tough rider
By April Clay, Registered Psychologist
As you consider whether you are a tough or tender rider, keep in mind that no one is completely one or the other. Different situations elicit strengths and weakness to emerge in people. The challenge is to first know yourself well, then ask yourself how you can move along the toughness continuum. You don't need to throw yourself into the fire to get tougher, just go that little bit further than you are used to and you’ll find your strength increasing over time.
1. You know and accept that sport and life are not fair: As utterly unpleasant as it is, it is true. No it is not fair that your horse suddenly went lame. Or that your friend had the most wonderful horse drop in her lap when you have been looking for months. Judges are not perfect and they do have preferences. If you allow yourself, you can waste a lot of energy on resisting what you do not like or doesn't seem fair. Unfortunately when you resist, you let your focus rest on what you cannot control. The elements that you can control, like how you are approaching your ride suffer. Your overall attitude tends to become negative and you wonder why things don't seem to work out for you. Being tough means you know and accept that unfairness is part of your sport. When an injustice happens to you, give yourself a time limit to vent. Then power up your focus into a new goal that will give you an advantage.
2. You are a planner: What are you planning for? It’s hard to be tough if you don't know where you are going. A tough rider has goals mapped out that are challenging and possible. But that is not all. They have these larger goals broken down into daily training goals and habits. When you can ‘check things off’ you know you can feel good about yourself. After all, you are not out to ride for or impress anyone else but yourself. So at the end of the day, what you want is to be square with yourself. To know that you followed through. This is how consistency, also the hallmark of a tough rider, is born. It starts in training, not in the show ring.
3. You’ve got warrior thinking: Tough thinking is not pie in the sky thinking: “I am the greatest rider ever! I can beat anyone, anytime!” Sometimes toughness is wrongly associated with arrogance or ego. This could not be more wrong. If you are seeking to pump yourself up and your ego by thinking big, you might be more tender than tough. When you don't prove to be ‘the best ever’ or win what you told yourself you would, the resulting crash is often a hard fall. The resilient rider focuses their thoughts on what they can control: on their task. They are cued into what needs to be done. This doesn't mean the tough riders don’t need to give themselves encouragement now and again. But it’s done in a slightly different way. It brings into awareness what is already known. So instead of “I am the greatest!” it might be a self-assured “you’ve got this, you have done this before”, or “don’t forget how prepared you are, you know what to do”. Warrior thinking focuses on what you have inside to get the job done well.
4. One of your mottos is: “hard training, easy competition”: The tough rider does not avoid training hard. This rider seeks out ways to make training challenging so competition will feel exciting instead of nerve-wracking. Think about it. If you feel really prepared for what you need to do in that show ring how will you feel? Likely free to strategize on that day and put your best forward. While others are worrying about whether they are up for the challenge you will know it. So go ahead, be fitter than you need to be. Jump higher than required. Study your competition more than anyone else. Put in more hours at the barn, ask more questions. Become an “A’ student of your sport.
5. You practice getting comfortable with being uncomfortable: This is what the toughest men on earth, the Navy SEALs, live by. If you avoid hard training days by shutting down or giving up, you are missing a great opportunity. No one ever got stronger by not stretching him or herself. Think about when you strengthen a muscle- you stress it, and then rest it and the result is growth. You need to do the same with your mental muscle. Think of every ‘bad’ day is an opportunity to work through and get stronger. Instead of thinking “oh no, I don’t want this”, try “interesting, how can I work my way out of this?” Start thinking of yourself as the kind of rider who loves puzzles, and loves to problem solve. So if your coach asks who wants to go first in doing a new exercise, go for it. If you feel tired, go just a little longer. Find ways to encourage yourself to go past your usual line. Whatever is your common response in a challenging situation; try inching your way just a little past that, you could be surprised by the payoff.
6. You are an expert mistake maker: The real truth about mistakes is that they will inevitably happen. Sometimes you will need their assistance to further your learning. Sometimes you will want to, and need to, let go of them as fast as smelly garbage. Observe one of the most resilient athletes you admire, and watch the way they handle their errors (yes, they do make them). Watch the way they handle frustration, disappointment and yes- losing. Through your observations, you will likely pick up on this: the comeback kid type doesn’t judge. They don’t get themselves tangled up in good and bad. They stay focused on pulling out whatever information they need to keep moving forward. They stay on task.
7. You know your carrot: There will be times when you wonder why you should keep going, when you are so tired you just want to lie down. Why do I have to train 6 days a week? Why do I have to ride this difficult horse? Why do I have to try again when it doesn't seem to be working? The best way to combat these moments is to know your why clearly. Then you can answer back to these questions and find the oomph to keep going. So it may be: because I want to be stronger and have more endurance for the show season. Because I want to be able to ride all kinds of horses, I want to be the best horseperson I can be. Because I know that when I figure this out I will have gained confidence. Remember that you don't ever “have to” do anything, you choose. So choose why you “want to”. Know your “why” and keep it close.
Want to get tougher? Try the Resilient Rider Online Course today! Go to www.outofyourmindcourses.com for more information
© April Clay, 2014, Originally published in Canadian Horse Journal, November 2014
7 qualities of the mentally tough rider
By April Clay, Registered Psychologist
As you consider whether you are a tough or tender rider, keep in mind that no one is completely one or the other. Different situations elicit strengths and weakness to emerge in people. The challenge is to first know yourself well, then ask yourself how you can move along the toughness continuum. You don't need to throw yourself into the fire to get tougher, just go that little bit further than you are used to and you’ll find your strength increasing over time.
1. You know and accept that sport and life are not fair: As utterly unpleasant as it is, it is true. No it is not fair that your horse suddenly went lame. Or that your friend had the most wonderful horse drop in her lap when you have been looking for months. Judges are not perfect and they do have preferences. If you allow yourself, you can waste a lot of energy on resisting what you do not like or doesn't seem fair. Unfortunately when you resist, you let your focus rest on what you cannot control. The elements that you can control, like how you are approaching your ride suffer. Your overall attitude tends to become negative and you wonder why things don't seem to work out for you. Being tough means you know and accept that unfairness is part of your sport. When an injustice happens to you, give yourself a time limit to vent. Then power up your focus into a new goal that will give you an advantage.
2. You are a planner: What are you planning for? It’s hard to be tough if you don't know where you are going. A tough rider has goals mapped out that are challenging and possible. But that is not all. They have these larger goals broken down into daily training goals and habits. When you can ‘check things off’ you know you can feel good about yourself. After all, you are not out to ride for or impress anyone else but yourself. So at the end of the day, what you want is to be square with yourself. To know that you followed through. This is how consistency, also the hallmark of a tough rider, is born. It starts in training, not in the show ring.
3. You’ve got warrior thinking: Tough thinking is not pie in the sky thinking: “I am the greatest rider ever! I can beat anyone, anytime!” Sometimes toughness is wrongly associated with arrogance or ego. This could not be more wrong. If you are seeking to pump yourself up and your ego by thinking big, you might be more tender than tough. When you don't prove to be ‘the best ever’ or win what you told yourself you would, the resulting crash is often a hard fall. The resilient rider focuses their thoughts on what they can control: on their task. They are cued into what needs to be done. This doesn't mean the tough riders don’t need to give themselves encouragement now and again. But it’s done in a slightly different way. It brings into awareness what is already known. So instead of “I am the greatest!” it might be a self-assured “you’ve got this, you have done this before”, or “don’t forget how prepared you are, you know what to do”. Warrior thinking focuses on what you have inside to get the job done well.
4. One of your mottos is: “hard training, easy competition”: The tough rider does not avoid training hard. This rider seeks out ways to make training challenging so competition will feel exciting instead of nerve-wracking. Think about it. If you feel really prepared for what you need to do in that show ring how will you feel? Likely free to strategize on that day and put your best forward. While others are worrying about whether they are up for the challenge you will know it. So go ahead, be fitter than you need to be. Jump higher than required. Study your competition more than anyone else. Put in more hours at the barn, ask more questions. Become an “A’ student of your sport.
5. You practice getting comfortable with being uncomfortable: This is what the toughest men on earth, the Navy SEALs, live by. If you avoid hard training days by shutting down or giving up, you are missing a great opportunity. No one ever got stronger by not stretching him or herself. Think about when you strengthen a muscle- you stress it, and then rest it and the result is growth. You need to do the same with your mental muscle. Think of every ‘bad’ day is an opportunity to work through and get stronger. Instead of thinking “oh no, I don’t want this”, try “interesting, how can I work my way out of this?” Start thinking of yourself as the kind of rider who loves puzzles, and loves to problem solve. So if your coach asks who wants to go first in doing a new exercise, go for it. If you feel tired, go just a little longer. Find ways to encourage yourself to go past your usual line. Whatever is your common response in a challenging situation; try inching your way just a little past that, you could be surprised by the payoff.
6. You are an expert mistake maker: The real truth about mistakes is that they will inevitably happen. Sometimes you will need their assistance to further your learning. Sometimes you will want to, and need to, let go of them as fast as smelly garbage. Observe one of the most resilient athletes you admire, and watch the way they handle their errors (yes, they do make them). Watch the way they handle frustration, disappointment and yes- losing. Through your observations, you will likely pick up on this: the comeback kid type doesn’t judge. They don’t get themselves tangled up in good and bad. They stay focused on pulling out whatever information they need to keep moving forward. They stay on task.
7. You know your carrot: There will be times when you wonder why you should keep going, when you are so tired you just want to lie down. Why do I have to train 6 days a week? Why do I have to ride this difficult horse? Why do I have to try again when it doesn't seem to be working? The best way to combat these moments is to know your why clearly. Then you can answer back to these questions and find the oomph to keep going. So it may be: because I want to be stronger and have more endurance for the show season. Because I want to be able to ride all kinds of horses, I want to be the best horseperson I can be. Because I know that when I figure this out I will have gained confidence. Remember that you don't ever “have to” do anything, you choose. So choose why you “want to”. Know your “why” and keep it close.
Want to get tougher? Try the Resilient Rider Online Course today! Go to www.outofyourmindcourses.com for more information
© April Clay, 2014, Originally published in Canadian Horse Journal, November 2014
