Coping with Traumatic Loss:
An open letter to the Eventing Community
Dear Riders,
Days ago, you lost a member of your community and her equine partner to a tragic accident.
Some of you are closer to the loss than others: family, friends, stable-mates, coaches, competitors and direct witnesses to the event. Others are further away, but still impacted in a myriad of ways. What follows are some suggested guidelines for managing your grief and loss that I hope will provide you with direction and support.
Responses to such a loss are many and varied, and usually have strong emotional flavour. Some will experience grief reactions and others a mix of grief combined with trauma-related responses. Tragic and fatal accidents in our immediate community naturally initiate our most primal brain. Automatically those areas associated with processing fear and threat are activated, albeit temporarily, to allow us to assess the impact on ourselves and those important to us.
Grief reactions can include:
Here are some further suggestions for coping:
Welcome all feelings and give them “air”: There is no right or wrong here when it comes to emotional reactions. Many factors (past history of traumatic experiences and mental health concerns, gender, age, culture to name a few) will form your unique response to a tragic event. Everyone reacts to a loss differently, so don’t get caught up worrying about whether you’re managing grief the ‘right’ way. Allow yourself to feel how you feel, give yourself the acceptance you would give someone else.
Download your reactions: Whether it is a piece of paper or several trusted friends, talking about/organizing your thoughts and feelings can provide both release and clarity. Trying to avoid difficult emotions or worries usually only intensifies them over time, and can negatively impact your mood. When you do seek support, try to choose those you know have been trusted “go-tos” in the past. If you are not sure, you can seek an outside confidential ear or call your local distress line.
Be cautious with your media intake: Especially initially, there may be conflicting, emotional and worse yet, inaccurate accounts, making the rounds on social media. You might find yourself arguing with non-horse people about the viability and safety of the sport on social media or worse. In any case it is unlikely to be a productive form of grieving. Give your Facebook page a rest for a while, until you can understand and manage your own emotional response.
Direct your experience to some type of action: As you process your personal experience in relation to this event, something to consider is what, if any, action you will take as a result. This could be anything from a personal commitment to better care for your friendships, to improving your riding safety IQ, to getting involved with campaigns related to making your sport a safer experience- and everything in-between. Making sure you take action reduces stress and promotes personal meaning.
When to get help:
Edmonton 24 hour distress line: 780.482.4357
April Clay is a Registered Psychologist and former rider specializing in sport and trauma.
An open letter to the Eventing Community
Dear Riders,
Days ago, you lost a member of your community and her equine partner to a tragic accident.
Some of you are closer to the loss than others: family, friends, stable-mates, coaches, competitors and direct witnesses to the event. Others are further away, but still impacted in a myriad of ways. What follows are some suggested guidelines for managing your grief and loss that I hope will provide you with direction and support.
Responses to such a loss are many and varied, and usually have strong emotional flavour. Some will experience grief reactions and others a mix of grief combined with trauma-related responses. Tragic and fatal accidents in our immediate community naturally initiate our most primal brain. Automatically those areas associated with processing fear and threat are activated, albeit temporarily, to allow us to assess the impact on ourselves and those important to us.
Grief reactions can include:
- Tension, fatigue, headaches, changes in appetite and indigestion
- Sadness, anger, disbelief, despair, anxiety, guilt
- Lack of concentration, forgetfulness, confusion and poor memory
- Disturbances in sleep patterns, wanting to be alone or isolating
- Your beliefs may feel challenged, confusion, struggles with creating meaning
- Nightmares, intrusive thoughts/ruminations
- Increase in physiological symptoms of anxiety: increased heart rate, more easily startled, elevated heart rate and blood pressure
- Feelings of numbness and confusion
Here are some further suggestions for coping:
Welcome all feelings and give them “air”: There is no right or wrong here when it comes to emotional reactions. Many factors (past history of traumatic experiences and mental health concerns, gender, age, culture to name a few) will form your unique response to a tragic event. Everyone reacts to a loss differently, so don’t get caught up worrying about whether you’re managing grief the ‘right’ way. Allow yourself to feel how you feel, give yourself the acceptance you would give someone else.
Download your reactions: Whether it is a piece of paper or several trusted friends, talking about/organizing your thoughts and feelings can provide both release and clarity. Trying to avoid difficult emotions or worries usually only intensifies them over time, and can negatively impact your mood. When you do seek support, try to choose those you know have been trusted “go-tos” in the past. If you are not sure, you can seek an outside confidential ear or call your local distress line.
Be cautious with your media intake: Especially initially, there may be conflicting, emotional and worse yet, inaccurate accounts, making the rounds on social media. You might find yourself arguing with non-horse people about the viability and safety of the sport on social media or worse. In any case it is unlikely to be a productive form of grieving. Give your Facebook page a rest for a while, until you can understand and manage your own emotional response.
Direct your experience to some type of action: As you process your personal experience in relation to this event, something to consider is what, if any, action you will take as a result. This could be anything from a personal commitment to better care for your friendships, to improving your riding safety IQ, to getting involved with campaigns related to making your sport a safer experience- and everything in-between. Making sure you take action reduces stress and promotes personal meaning.
When to get help:
- If you were close to the loss, experienced it directly (witnessing) and you continue to have persistent mood disturbances.
- If your response to the event has impacted your riding behaviour, causing you to lose confidence or actively avoid riding.
- If you find your mood worsening, not improving over time. Keep in mind similar past experiences (loss, trauma) can be activated, and past mental health concerns (depression, anxiety) exacerbated.
- If you are experiencing thoughts of hopelessness, loss of meaning or suicidal thoughts, tell someone and/or contact your local distress centre immediately.
Edmonton 24 hour distress line: 780.482.4357
April Clay is a Registered Psychologist and former rider specializing in sport and trauma.